


Emotions

by nerdqueenenterprise



Series: Star Trek Tumblr Prompts [6]
Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M, Spock POV, emotions are scary and confusing and jim kirk is too pretty to be logical, error 404: love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 16:48:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12136806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdqueenenterprise/pseuds/nerdqueenenterprise
Summary: Emotions are a pesky, human thing, and Spock doesn't have them. It's perfectly normal he experiences friendship towards his superior officer, and as much as his mother insists that he's feeling love, she is most certainly wrong. Spock would never!





	Emotions

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt by [@dianaaprince](http://www.dianaaprince.tumblr.com)

The first thing Spock notices about his new superior officer is that he has a pleasant voice.

Over the years he notices many things - James Kirk has kind eyes, gentle hands, an intriguing sense of humor, he’s intelligent, witty, communicates well, has a variety of interests.

Spock gets hurt on an away mission - not badly, and he is fully capable of suppressing the pain until they are back on the  _ Enterprise _ . Captain Kirk, however, is extremely worried and demands Spock to beam up straight away.

    “I didn’t want to see you in pain, Spock,” he says as an explanation, with a smile Spock has noted Kirk seems to frequently employ around him.

 

The first time Spock fails to complete an assignment on time he is, for lack of a better word, ashamed. Idly he wonders whether another Vulcan, a full-blooded one, would not have failed. He also wonders what Captain Kirk’s reaction will be. Certainly there will be a punishment of sorts; after all, Spock’s work is of high importance for the  _ Enterprise. _

    “God, Spock, are you okay?” is what Kirk says when he answers to Spock’s call. “Look, for all you say you didn’t catch that weird strain of the flu - I want you to report to medbay and have Dr McCoy check you over. Your work can wait. Your health is more important for the  _ Enterprise _ \- for me - than a report.”

 

Incidents like such repeat themselves. Kirk also frequently invites Spock to his quarters for dinner. He is a good conversationalist and it is pleasant to talk with him. He also shows himself interested in Vulcan culture, asking intelligent questions but not pressing.

They take up chess eventually and Spock finds himself looking forward to their regular matches. Kirk portrays an exemplarily positive attitude towards Spock, even going so far as to tease him on occasion, which Spock understands is a display of affection.

 

    “I trust you,” Kirk says one day during a very delicate away mission. Spock’s plan, which he had had to start without having explained it to the captain, ends up saving the entire team. It is something Spock could and should be proud of. Instead all he can think about is that Captain Kirk trusts him. 

 

They are sitting chained in a dungeon of a lesser evolved race that caught them during a mission that was supposed to be simple observation. The cave-like structure is cold, even more so since they have had their uniform shirts taken away. Kirk fell asleep eventually, but Spock is too cold and too uncomfortable to do so. Instead, he analyzes their surroundings. After there is nothing more to see, he observes Kirk. It is certainly not news that the Human is physically attractive. He has a great many desirable features - a healthy, golden skin color, shining golden hair, kind brown eyes, broad shoulders, a well-muscled torso, strong hands … a pleasing face, too. He is also a man of good character. Spock can count himself lucky (if he did believe in luck) to serve under a man like him.

 

    “Call me Jim. We’re off-duty.” Jim. It sits easy on his tongue. Of course Spock would never call him that on duty. 

Jim laughs easily, and Spock finds he enjoys finding ways of making him laugh. 

They huddle for warmth on an icy planet, and Spock finds that Captain Kirk - Jim has a pleasant smell. He is also tactile, but Spock finds he does not mind being touched by him. He is getting rather attached to his captain, to an extent where he begins wondering what Jim is doing when he is not in the room with Spock.

He walks in on Jim just stepping out of the shower one afternoon. It is the first time this happened, even though they have shared a bathroom the entire time Spock is serving on the  _ Enterprise _ . Jim laughs and tells him not to worry about it. Spock does not worry, he merely … cannot stop thinking about the Human naked. 

In fact, he cannot stop thinking about Jim at all, missing a touch moments after Jim took it away, subconsciously standing closer to him, even initiating touches himself. He finds himself drawing chess games out far longer than necessary, often forfeiting winning. 

Jim Kirk is prone to ripping his shirt. Spock wishes he were even more careless with his uniform. It is fascinating to watch him work out, as the workout clothes do sit quite well on him. 

Spock begins delivering each report on its own, simply so he has an excuse to see Jim more often. It is becoming extremely distracting. Jim need only smile at him, and Spock is infinitely more happy for the rest of the day.

It has to stop.

 

Spock begins meditating each night as opposed to only once per week, attempting to control himself. The cracks in his façade are becoming unseemly and unprofessional. He almost smiles at Jim, actively attempts to touch his fingers because of the thoroughly enjoyable sensation it produces, even goes so far as to make up scenarios that would somehow involve either of them having to embrace the other.

But meditation seems to make it worse. While at first it rebuilds Spock’s cool exterior, his slightly changed behavior is making Jim pout, which is hardly something he can resist thinking about. It is - cute, for lack of a better word.

 

It is during one of his communications with his mother that some things begin to make sense.

    “You know, Spock, you’ve told me an awful lot about that Jim of yours. When am I going to meet him?”

    “‘Meet him’, mother?”

She looks almost affronted. Perhaps an Earth emotion Spock is not too familiar with. “Why, yes of course. I thought a mother had the right to meet her son-in-law.”

     “Mother, I am afraid you are misunderstanding. He is not - we are not - romantically involved.”

     “But you like him so much. Tell me, Spock, can’t you stop thinking about him? About his eyes, perhaps, his voice, his touch? Does your heart begin beating faster when he’s around? Do you want to stand closer to him, embrace him, perhaps? Do you wish to spend more and more time with him?”

Spock can only stare. “I have not … told you any of these things …”

    “And yet I know? Spock, what you are feeling isn’t friendship anymore … it’s love.”

 

Love. That is unacceptable. And since it only appeared after prolonged exposure to J- to Captain Kirk, it is only logical that it will fade over time if Spock lessens the exposure.

He requests being put on beta shift the next morning. Kirk looks like he is experiencing - an emotion, but he agrees.

Furthermore, there is no point in Spock turning in every report by hand. Submitting them virtually works just as well. And with his new interest in botany it is crucial that Spock spends a great amount of time in the laboratories. There is no time for chess.

Kirk accepts that. He does however come to the botany labs quite often to enquire about the status of Spock’s current project, and Spock does not always have the heart to turn him away. It makes him look … sad. Spock does not like it.

 

    “I know it’s only been a month since we last talked but - Spock, what’s wrong?”

    “Nothing, mother.”

    “Is that so? You look sad. Is everything okay?”

    “Affirmative.”

    “He turned you down, didn’t he? Oh, darling, I am so sorry.”

    “I beg your pardon, mother, but I do not understand.”

    “Well, you told him about your feelings, and he doesn’t reciprocate them, does he? Your captain.”

    “That must have been a misunderstanding. I do not hold any feelings other than loyalty towards Captain Kirk.”

    “Spock. Don’t lie to your mother. Please.”

    “Very well. Mother, you must understand that it is improper of me to desire anything other than friendship from my captain. Furthermore, I cannot allow myself the vulnerability of giving in to base instinct. Forgive me, but I am not human. And I have no desire to be.”

    “No, of course not. But - Spock, do yourself a favor. Do me a favor. Tell him. If he doesn’t feel the same way, he’ll without doubt let you down gently and you’ll have closure. But if he does feel the same, you’ll forever regret not taking the opportunity. It’s simple. Tell him your feelings towards him are more than platonic. He’ll understand.”

    “I - mother, I am unsure whether that is the correct way to go about things.”

    “He’s human. Of course it is. Now go. He’s just next door, isn’t he? Go over there and tell him. You were brave enough to be the first Vulcan in Starfleet, you can do this. It’s just a couple words. Trust him, Spock.”

Spock does.

Spock ends the call and stands up, leaving his quarters and requesting entrance at Jim’s.

    “Spock!” The Human’s eyes are soft and there’s a smile on his lips. “Come in! What can I do for you?”

Spock takes a deep breath.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this lil thing! I hope you enjoyed it; if you did, please leave a comment :)
> 
> Also come say hi on [my tumblr](http://www.nerdqueenenterprise.tumblr.com)! Prompts are open!


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